Reduce your carbon footprint
I myself don’t have any footprints, but that is more of a birth defect than a philosophy for sustainable living.
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Meh
Funny is a very subjective thing. If I say, "Does this milk smell funny to you?" you might say no, proceed to drink it, and die of poisoning by botulism. For example.
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Order my new book and you will experience a sensation that starts out warm and ends with a strange rash. This feeling is called shame.