Resignations of lesser renown
- “In these past few days I have arrived at the difficult decision that my pursuit of new opportunities in general management will be in the best interests of my colleagues here at Kinkos Store #4157 on Sheridan Ave. It is my hope that their work, processing thousands of pages including 25 cent color copies daily, can continue without interruption.”
- “I have failed to live up to the standards I set for myself as lead singer of BITCH KILLAZ and for that, I am very sorry, and also drunk. I thank my bandmates for their love and understanding during this difficult time and hope that they will rock on and kill bitches not just for me, or for them, but for everyone.”
- “In looking ahead to my senior year of high school, I will be vacating my seat advising the President of the Class of ‘09 to focus on my studies and spend more time with my family.”
- “Two years ago I attempted to lose a great deal of weight and, in an effort to cut my calorie intake, I began drinking Diet Coke. I started with just a can a day, but despite my best efforts, it became increasingly difficult to limit my consumption. I am confident that my fellow executives here at PepsiCo will support my effort to take the time I need to seek treatment for this personal, professional, and painful problem.”
- “You can take this job volunteering to tutor at-risk youth and shove it!”
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