Drug addicts rejoice — for the Coke of the Month Club

Stop snorting lines of overpriced swill! Snuff out that flavorless street crack! Whether you are a casual white collar user earning six figures or an indigent addict squatting in a condemned warehouse, you’re getting tired of the same old thing. Join the Coke of the Month Club right now and you’ll receive a regular supply of gourmet gutter glitter specially chosen by our globe-trotting ghost busters.

There’s no place we won’t go, and no law we won’t break, to bring the freshest, hand-crafted coke directly to your door or alley. Subscribe now and you’ll receive our Snow White Sampler—four flavorful grams of our most popular lines and rocks. If you don’t get amped out of your fucking skull you can cancel your subscription at any time and keep the free blow as our gift to you!

Your free no-obligation Snow White Sampler includes:

Bolivian bubble gum: A single-varietal rock formulated at the peak of ripeness. Its pillowy soft mouth feel is perfect for users with few or no remaining teeth and is guaranteed not to irritate bleeding gums.

California cornflakes: This generously dusty domestic crop is suitable for casual freebasing any time of day. Goes with everything from trash-sourced chicken bones to cedar-planked salmon.

Friskie powder: A shade-grown coke available only two months out of the year, you’ll want to save this for special occasions like landing the new Apple campaign or getting out on parole. Hints of citrus and honey blossoms.

Paradise white: One of our finest candies, Paradise is a fair-trade cocaine synthesized by Colombian chemists earning a sustainable living wage. Recommended for use with locally-made base pipes.

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